Hostage Negotiator

Hannah had chemo today. It is actually the last treatment of the IM phase. In this, IM phase, we don't go in for chemo as often. Straight out the gate that makes the appointments a little harder because she is not as used to them.

I often joke that, with Hannah on chemo drugs, my job now, has become, Hostage Negotiator. Talking her down from the ledge of tantrum is sometimes just part of the tasks. Luckily, she becomes very reasonable fast. She also jumps from calm to screaming angry, fast. Thanks to many books on Leukemia, I was at least not unaware this would be the scenario. I have to say, I was unprepared for today.

She had quite the fit just to leave for the hospital. Once we were there it went alright, although, I did have to use some of my Negotiator skills to get through the port accessing and the drawing of blood. Hey, who likes being stuck with big needles?

The trouble really started with the crazy wait once we were in our room. It took a little over 2-1/2 hours for her labs to come back. Finally, our Dr. came in to say, that they were not back yet, but we could go to lunch downstairs while we waited if we wanted. In front of Hannah. Thank you for that.

Of course, Hannah loved the idea and was getting shoes ready! The Dr. walked out and in the time it took to get one of Hannah's shoes on, came back in with the labs we had been waiting on. In order for Hannah to get her chemo today we needed her labs showing us her blood counts were high enough to support it. Turns out, there were, and instead of lunch we would be heading over to the infusion room for chemo.

That is when it began.

She was saying loudly that she did not want medicine. I was using the first stage of skill by letting her know it was just through the tubies and not her mouth. She started screaming. I set her down in the big green chair in her new room. She got right up and ran. She actually faked left first. She made it half way down the hall. You should have seen the look on the nurses faces. I caught her brought her back and started what I had thought was a pretty impressive Negotiation. Then, the nurse came in with oral meds. It was the Zofran for nausea, so not actual chemo, but killing my credibility all the same.

Hannah was literally screaming at the top of her lungs. She was kicking, hitting, twisting, anything to get out of there. We had to hold her down for the meds. She spit at us. She screamed she hated me, she screamed the nurses were brats, (which I initially thought might have been another word, but after hearing it again, it was brat). She wanted out of there at any cost. In that moment, talking her down from crazy was not possible.

After it was over, we made a beeline for the door. By the time we were in the car she was full of the sorry mommy stuff that helps me know she is ok. For me, today was such a FAIL. I have been over and over it for next time. I should have made a plan with her before we went to infusion room about the lunch. It is just those little details that helps her and I missed it.

Tomorrow is another day and we will try again.