Hannah Grage: Back home for a bit

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Back home for a bit

Hannah got to come home this weekend. She is doing better. Still tired but healing. Starting this chemo after a year of heavy duty front line treatment is just punishing on already worn out bone marrow. However, we made it through the first round of HD Mtx. Friday morning, if her counts are good, she will be admitted for the second dose.

I knew this would be tough and it is. We are going to push through and get this done. She needs this chemo, as awful as it is.

I can't really elaborate more than this. I just break right down if I think about how things are going. I'm just going to concentrate on the goal. Please, pray for us going through the next round. Love you all!

7 comments:

KateMay 18, 2011 at 12:20 AM
Poor Carrie, you sound exhausted. Praying for you and little Hannah here.
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I'm So FancyMay 18, 2011 at 12:28 AM
Happy to hear she at least got to see home for a bit. x
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AnonymousMay 18, 2011 at 3:55 PM
I hope she gets to play a little bit in the sunshine, and that you do too Carrie.

Praying this chemo is kicking cancer's @ss....end goal in mind.

Hugs--Liz
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RitaMay 21, 2011 at 12:07 PM
Absolutely, praying for Hannah and your entire family. Also, just joined the ranks of the unemployed (hopefully, it will be short-lived) so please call me if you get in a bind and you think I can help out.
Hugs,
Rita
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dusty earth motherMay 24, 2011 at 7:36 PM
Oh, Carrie. I am so praying for you and your darling. The last few posts have sounded so incredibly rough. Much much love to you.
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StefMay 25, 2011 at 10:10 PM
Hi Carrie,
I saw your comment on my post and wanted to say thanks, but also to tell you that when I'm going through a rough day or dealing with a specific trial, you come to my mind. God reminds me that others are going through MUCH harder trials and He is with them - reminding me that He cares for me as well. You inspire me. The way that you push through and often focus on the positive, its completely inspiring and God has used you guys to remind me that I have much to be thankful for and MUCH to be in prayer over, for others.

Hope to meet you in person someday!
-Stef
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AnonymousMay 27, 2011 at 4:59 PM
How goes it? I hope you guys can have a relaxing Memorial day weekend.

Love you,

Liz
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How we got Cancer

I have two amazing, handsome, sweet, funny boys, Andrew, 13 and Aaron, 8 years old. After years of thinking I would never know what ballet lessons were like, I also had Hannah. She is four years old. My three kids are all I could ask for and more.

In January, Hannah had pneumonia. She never seemed like herself after that. She had random fevers, she was tired often, and her coloring was off. I kept taking her to the doctor thinking she had a virus or something but it never got all the way better. The people at her preschool were also noticing these symptoms. The director of her preschool, Deb, had even called me, thinking maybe she had mono. The doctors thought maybe it was a sinus infection and put her on medicine.

On April 7th, 2010 she had a tummy ache at school, when I came to get her, she seemed ok. As I was reading her bedtime story that night I noticed her stomach looked VERY distended. I thought, in all my thirteen years of parenting, I had not seen that before. I called her doctor and the nurse asked me how quickly I could be at Children's. Rian stayed with the boys and I left the house still not convinced I wasn't over reacting to some possible gas.

I should have known something was not right at the ER, because everyone was being really, really nice to Hannah and I. After they drew some blood the doctor came in and told Hannah that a nurse would stay with her so that Mommy could get her some juice. I walked out of the room really thinking I was being led to where the juice boxes were! They took me into another room where the doctor turned to me and said, "We are going to do a test, the results will be back in an hour, but we think your daughter has Leukemia. We believe she has cancer." I was busy dismissing her in my head as the over reacting one while she listed the symptoms Hannah displayed that made her suspect it. Her stomach was distended and not because of gas. Her liver and spleen were enlarged. Her frequent fevers and fatigue. My brain kicked in at this point, so I protested, suggesting that mono, could also be the cause of enlarged organs, fatigue, and fever. She agreed but firmly stated she thought it was Leukemia. I went back to our room, no juice, refusing to except any of that. Every time I thought, what if they come in and tell me it's cancer, I immediatly put it out of my head. I was sure it was going to be mono.

After the longest hour ever went by, Hannah had fallen asleep on my lap and the doctor came back in. She said she was afraid she had bad news. They rest of that night has blurred into the rush of trying to process the wall of information they give you and surpress the "I'm going to go crazy right here" emotion that was filling my head. I was determined not to be the mom that fell apart. I just wanted to learn so I could help.

My best friend, Mackenzie, at nine months pregnant, thank you very much, came to the hospital at 3 am with only the words, Hannah has Leukemia. Together, we walked Hannah into her new world called, the 3rd Floor Cancer Unit at Children's Hospital. Walking in past that sign and knowing that was where they were taking my sweet baby girl was one of the single worst moments of my life. I almost lost it, except, Abby, our fellow(thats an important Dr. title) was standing there waiting for us. I had stubbornly, already promised myself I wasn't going to be breaking down in front of the people that I am now depending on to save Hannah's life.

The next few days were full of horrific tests and information. When they came back with the spinal tap results that showed the type of Leukemia she had, I did finally lose it. She has Leukemia ALL, which is the one with the highest cure rate. So, it was good news. I don't know why, but to me it meant that she really did have cancer. I went into the hall, sat on the floor, and cried my eyes out. I just couldn't stop. I had been feeling like if we just left, if I picked up Hannah and ran, then none of this would be real.

What I found out, was that we are going to be ok, that there are funny, dear moments even when going through crappy chemo, and that we have a whole LOT of wonderful people in our lives. I thank God everyday for all of you and every precious moment I have on this earth with my family.

Hannah Grage

Favorite Hannah Picture

Hannah Ballerina

Play Time

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Happier Hannah

Hannah sleeping 4-13-10

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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Back home for a bit

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