Favorite Hannah Picture

Favorite Hannah Picture
"Yes, the park!"

Hannah Ballerina

Hannah Ballerina

Play Time

Play Time
"Go super fast!"

Hannah's Room

Hannah's Room

Happier Hannah

Happier Hannah

Hannah sleeping 4-13-10

Hannah sleeping 4-13-10

Preschool Friend's Art

Preschool Friend's Art
Yeah! Friends!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Last Year


This day last year was her last day of preschool. I didn't know that when I dropped her off. I didn't know that evening I would take her to Children's ER and she would never go back. Her life has changed so much. To be a normal kid playing with friends one day and be thrown in the crazy of hospital life with all the bad tasting medicine and needles...

My heart aches for the life she lost. I remember the first few days in the hospital she would press her forehead against mine and beg, plead with me to take her home. I couldn't. I couldn't take her home and I couldn't make it better.

Tomorrow is the actual one year of diagnosis. She was diagnosed at around 1:30 am. So, her diagnosaversary, as it were, is Friday. To me, it will always be April 7th. That is the day I took her to the ER and one in the morning does not feel like the next day if you haven't gone to bed!

I am really down today about it. I woke up with a lump in my throat. As weird as this seems, I actually have a special day (aside from a few hours getting chemo) planned for Hannah on Friday. I got her a present and we are going to do something fun. I want it to be like a little party each year instead of a date that makes us sad. She is amazing and I want to celebrate that. I want tomorrow to be a positive day. So, I am going to pull it together. I just needed to vent today. It's a hard one for me.


Love this picture

7 comments:

  1. What a great idea a celebration of her strength and courage through the year! I bet you are down :( Keep your head up Carrie you have done a great job being strong for ALL of your kids. Your the kind of parent I strive to be,Hannah is who she is because you are so strong! I love you all very much!
    Jen

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  2. I think it is a wonderful idea to celebrate the good times instead of focusing on the bad. Good wishes for you both.

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  3. She's going to get to go back. Don't you even worry, she's gonna get to do all the things she's supposed to get to do as a little girl in just a little short while. I can feel it.

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  4. Thank you all so much for the nice comments today.
    I agree, Mugdha that she will get to be normal. Thank you so much for your support.I probably hould have included more backround. In August we moved from the area we were in, so that preschool is not possible. Also, in September she should be able to start actual school. She justs misses her friends. I am hoping that when she is doing better that we can go visit.

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  5. We miss you guys so much at preschool, Carrie! I hope Hannah knows that her YMCA preschool friends miss her and think about her often. I have certainly missed the enthusiastic Hannah greetings baby Zachary and I received every day when dropping Malia off at school. I'm sure this is a tough day, but I also think of it as a huge milestone. One year since diagnosis, but also one year of amazing courage, endurance and strength. You are both remarkable and I can't wait until next September when Hannah gets to go back to school and be with her peers again. xo Kathy

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  6. What everyone else here posted.

    Love ya

    Liz

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  7. I love that picture too. Hannah is a beautiful little girl and my family will send positive thoughts your way.
    Jason

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